Take a Step Outside

by Maureen R. Johnston, MFT
(Originally appeared in my newsletter Sense and Psychotherapy, Fall 2004)

I've noticed many clients sigh as they sink into their seat in my office. I do the same thing when I see my therapist. It is a subtle acknowledgment of coming into a different kind of place. Being with our therapist provides the space to take a step back from what's going on outside in the real world and begin to sort it out in a safe place. Just as photographers shoot the same image from different angles, we also need to find ways to view our lives from different perspectives, and both therapy and travel can help us do this.

Our twenties is the time we really begin to learn who we are as individuals, and many of us take some time to go away to college, or work or travel far from home. Unfortunately, by the time we are in our thirties, we've usually taken on too many of the adult responsibilities of full-time jobs, families, credit card bills, etc. to take off for even a summer-long vacation. In the same way that we become settled into established routines over time, our self-image also grows more deeply entrenched as the years go by, making it ever more difficult to see, much less adopt, new ways of approaching life's challenges.

Getting away from home, even for short periods, gives us an opportunity to gain new perspectives. Although there are many ways in which we leave mentally, such as through good books, absorbing habits, and intriguing movies, actually being physically away from home puts us into a different psychological space entirely. One of the real benefits of getting away and stepping outside our normal, daily routines, is that it forces us by its very nature to do things differently. This can help us view ourselves and the world around us in a new light. Sometimes, this new way of seeing leads us to re-evaluate our lives and determine whether and how to make changes.

Vacations and travel are some of the most pleasant ways of getting outside our comfort zone. Many other situations and events can have the same effect. Major, and even minor, life transitions encourage us to take a step back and view life from a different angle. Whether it is unhappy and unexpected, like the loss of a job, marriage, or loved one, or joyful and planned, such as weddings, births, and moves, various events in life lead us to question the pros and cons of the way we choose to live. Whether we like it or not, there are times when we are forced to evaluate how we are living our life and determine what, if any, changes need to be made.

Therapy is good for all these times. It is a place to step back safely and explore how we are affected by the changes in our lives. Therapy is a time and place specially set aside to experiment with new perspectives, behaviors, and thoughts, even to see ourselves in a new and different light. As we see ourselves and the world around us in a different way, we can develop new ways of dealing with problems. Therapy, just like travel, doesn't make all our problems go away — they're still there when we get back — but both offer us new ways of looking at problems, and often help us even acquire insight into previously unresolvable issues.

[ back to top ]